Victorian imperialism – The Runaway
A monarch at the end of a very long reign…
Also known as
Mother England, Ma’am, Vicky baby (Mr Brown and ex-hubbie Albert only)
Greatest achievements
The Industrial Revolution, Imperialism – yes, I think I can take credit for both of those
Imperialism… a bouquet
Glory, riches, country clubs, bridge evenings, a wide variety of hot and exotic dishes, nicer weather
Imperialism… a brickbat
Greed, racism, wild tigers, war
Ambitions
To watch the British Empire grow, to bring civilisation to barbarians – they’ll all thank us in the end after all (the ones that are still alive), to maintain the highest possible moral standards and to scowl a lot.
Likes
Reading the Times, ironed and folded, in the morning. You certainly get to read the paper a lot when you sit on the throne for 63 years.
Taking the corgis for walkies.
Dislikes
French food, French wine, French culture, the French. Also the Irish, the socialists, poor people.
Architecture of the time
Great big ugly brick ones; ones with lots of machines hissing, stuffed with large amounts of child labour
Sports
Croquet and, on a nice day, blood sports.
Favourite moment
Giving Mt, Kilimanjaro to my cousin William. I just couldn’t think of anything else to get the poor boy. After traipsing all over Harrods one afternoon, it came to be in a flash of inspiration. I realised that he had absolutely no mountains in Africa. So then I thought ” Hey. I think I’ve got it you know.” Then it was only a matter of redrawing the East African border and Bob’s your uncle.
Fashion
Anything in black (post 1861)
Dreams
Mr Brown (a.k.a Billy Connolly) jumping out of my 9 feet wide wedding cake dressed only in a kilt and shouting the immortal words, “Fray Bonny Scotland”
Favourite music
God Save the Queen, Land of Hope and Glory, Enigma variations… anything by Elgar really, he’s really very good
Favourite country
You’re joking right?